Winners Give Up Going It Alone!

When I was a senior in High School, I had this psychology teacher, Vic Yurick, who made us do all kinds of crazy things. We carried around a raw egg for a week to learn responsibility. He made all the males embrace, much as they do in other cultures, which made our small farm town student body VERY uncomfortable. He made us sit in a circle and intimate our deepest fears to each other and give up what we thought our projected image was, only to have our self illusions shattered by a collision with the perceptions of our peers. Some of those things seemed really on the fringe, especially to the males in the class. The self-identified loners cringed at the thought of sharing, being made examples of, and letting people know what they thought. But through this process, connections were formed; some as thick as bridge cables, some barely visible like a spider’s silk.
We once broke down the Simon and Garfunkel song, the main theme being, “I am a rock, I am an island.” We likened it with the lone wolf…living in a self-imposed solitude, rather than living with the pact.
Unlike wolves, NO man is truly an island. Humans are a social creature, genetically designed to mate and cohabitate for a period of time. We were designed to function at our finest in groups, interacting with others. Historically, members of a group or tribe acquired skills that the tribe needed…hunters, cooks, weavers, blacksmiths, cobblers, thatchers and the like. This was how man survived.
Even in today’s highly complicated, electrified, grid laden world it is nearly impossible to single-handedly create and supply everything one needs. Yet, I watch countless people trying to “go it alone”…especially business owners. Have you ever worked for someone who just has to wear all of the hats? This guy has to be in charge of cash flow, do all the selling, manage the inventory, and make the coffee. This guy tries to do SOOO many things, that he can’t really do any of them well.
The same thing is true in our personal lives. I can’t tell you how many projects I have taken on that would have been done at half the cost, in two thirds the time if I didn’t just HAVE to conquer it myself.
Great leaders, efficient businessmen and happy people have learned to use the strengths and talents of those around, next to and underneath them. They let those assets work for them…THEN they spread the credit around. When we learn how to do this our aspirations race towards us, our mutual needs are met and our projects excel. Winners have learned to stop going it alone. Rocks never move, and islands slowly, eventually, and ultimately sink beneath the sea.

Winners Give Up Hiding Their Wekness(es)

Winners no longer fear, nor continue to hide, their weaknesses. They have accepted the imperfections in their own nature and, rather than carrying them around their neck like an anchor, they compensate with additional training, or by recruiting help.

Weakness comes in many forms. Abraham Lincoln was known in his early days as being very belligerent. In fact, one of his harsh criticisms led him into a "duel to the death" with the man he publicly criticized. Fortunately, the duel was stopped just in time. From that point on, Lincoln committed himself to overcoming his belligerent ways, eventually leading him to say, "Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker, the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.”

Act on your strengths. Don’t hide your weaknesses…overcome them.

Winners Give Up Worrying About Health Care Reform (And Other Things They Can’t Control, Like Their Brackets!)

I’ve been listening to the news on the radio a lot more the past few weeks. I, like many of you, have been following the debate over this "Health Care Reform Bill". I’ve listened to both “conservative” radio and NPR. I find the disparity between the interpretations of “facts” fascinating.

I have also listened to numerous people passionately, vociferously, registering their opinions. One such lady had worked herself into such fervor that she admitted she hadn’t slept in three days!

Why? Has she in any way, created anything productive from this emotional episode?

What I have re-affirmed, is that even though we are a republic, we have very little control, save one action, over what our representatives do.

We must resign ourselves that as average citizens the only power we really yield…(or need to) is our sacred right and obligation to vote. We also need to realize the only power we have or need in our experience of our life, is the power to control our emotions and perceptions of the circumstances we are presented with from day to day.

In politics, in business and in life there are things we cannot control, influence, manipulate or coerce.

Winners have realized that to spend time losing sleep over these things is destructive and at best, simply self –indulgent.

Tying our emotions so closely to the actions of others is a dangerous and sad state of being.

The most peaceful (and successful) people I know asses each set of circumstances, by first accepting what IS. They tailor their actions/reactions as individuals to best deal with the obstacles,hindrances or opportunities before them.

They preserve their positive energy and well being, by ACCEPTING the things they cannot change. Then channel that energy into the things they CAN change.

To whine, cry and lose three nights of sleep over legislation, a natural disaster, a layoff or loss of work due to the depression, or worse the Kansas and Georgetown losses (that messed up your men’s NCAA tournament bracket)…well, that’s just like taking yourself out of the tournament in the first round.

Winners Give Up Cleaning Their Glass Ceiling.

The sky’s the limit…right? Not for most. Many dream of what lies beyond their current situation…fleeting fantasy’s of “what if”. Others dwell, frozen in their feelings of lack. They say, “if only”. If only this person wasn’t keeping me from doing this…the bank, my boss.

The truth is, we are conditioned to be self limiting from our youngest ages. Do you remember what happened to the kid who raised her hand too often in class? Sooner or later she got tired of the stares, the whispers and the ridicule, so she stopped raising her hand and getting excited about contributing to the classroom. She imposed self limitations, tucking away her abilities. Some learn to overcome this, many don’t. Most people, in some respect, impose life-long limitations on their ability.

Winners break through their self imposed “glass ceiling”, while the rest of us just polish it for a better view of “what if”.

Winners Give Up Trying To Get Everybody To Like Them.

Are you the type of person that everybody likes? Are you the one that always looks for ways to please your co-workers, friends, bosses or mates? But secretly complains and laments the “concessions” you have made when you get just out of earshot?

Are you the manager, the parent, the friend that everybody loves but don’t challenge your people to be the best they can be?


The one who doesn’t rock the boat too much? Maybe doesn’t speak up for themselves?


Do you make the mistake of thinking you are responsible for other people’s actions? Or worse feelings? (Including their feeling about you?)

Many of us try hard to be liked, maybe too hard.

If you need to be liked by everybody, perhaps that’s what’s keeping you from being the best possible version of yourself?


I had this college professor, Norm Tychsen, from my undergrad he was a p#*ck!! He rubbed people the wrong way. He made people feel “belittled” and “demeaned”. He didn’t cut you much slack. He busted my chops in front of a 400 level class on consumer behavior because I skipped a lecture to be in Key West for Spring Break…what an “A$$hole”!!

He also turned out to be my favorite professor/teacher/mentor to date. This sometimes hard to like old man was not mean, nor unlikeable, nor an a$$hole. In the final analysis he was a man deeply convicted and dedicated to getting the absolute best out of each face in front of him.

He took the time to cut through everybody’s initial layer, their façade, the usually accepted layer of social faux-ness and unchallenged persona’s that we parade around in. He also took the heat for doing so. Sometimes laying bare the truth of what you see in a way that can be cathartic is VERY unpopular.

It makes people uncomfortable, irritated, naked. They don’t like it and didn’t like him for it.

Good leaders, teachers, managers…parents (by good I mean effective) are not always the most popular with the troops, their peers, their spouses or kids for that matter.

Guess what?

Being disliked is OK! There, I said it and now you can relax and take a load off.

It’s perfectly fine if some people don’t like you. Not everybody needs to like you and you should stop trying to make it so, and worrying about it if they don’t.

If and only if, they don’t like you for the “right” reasons.

If a business partner doesn’t like you anymore because you hold them accountable to shortcomings, to plans, to promises…in other words actions…that’s ok.

If a spouse or mate doesn’t like you because you stand up for yourself and they don’t get their way? That’s ok!


If, through your actions you expose the weakness of others and they don’t like you that’s ok.

If you set high expectations for others and yourself, and that makes you unpopular, that’s ok.

If you style your hair different and that makes people edgy, uncomfortable and dislike you…..that’s ok too.


Do not be unkind, do not be underhanded, do not demand things of others that you don’t demand of yourself, don’t ask other do something you are unwilling to do. Act in the best interest of others, even if people don’t immediately accept or realize it. Hold people accountable fairly yet firmly. Hold yourself accountable.

Be happy with yourself, believe in yourself.

Remain steady in your convictions, even if that bothers others.

If you act fairly, with purpose and dignity and some people don’t like you? It has more to do with them NOT liking themselves than not liking you.

Winners only really need 1 (one) person to like them…and that’s themselves.

If you like yourself, the right people will like you too and everybody else will just have to settle for respecting you.

Winners Give Up Closing Shop Before The Day Is Done.

What’s the difference between a dreamer and a doer? Between a rock star and the “wanna be” who remains undiscovered? What’s the difference between the most brilliant of thinkers, with the best ideas, plans and designs and the wealthiest of business people? between a “used car” sales man and a great sales professional?
Just one more call….An old school sales manger named Bob White said this to me at very young age….just ONE more call a day that makes all the difference.
Dial the phone ONE more time. Send out ONE more resume. Answer one more complaint. Practice one more chord. Help one more customer after closing time.
Crunch it out one more time. One more pass, one more chapter.
Just one more.
Crash Davis said it best to Ebby Calvin Laloosh in Bull Durham.
You know what the difference is between hitting .250 and hitting .300? I got it figured out.

Twenty-five hits a year in 500 at bats is 50 points. Okay? There's 6 months in a season, that's about 25 weeks--you get one extra flare a week--just one--a gork, a ground ball with eyes, a dying quail--just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium!

Winners don’t close up shop for the day until they have done, one more…and then maybe “one more” again.

Winners Give Up Giving Up!

When I think of ‘hanging in there’, I’m reminded of this story by Earl Nightingale, called “Acres of Diamonds”, from Our Changing World radio transcript:

One of the most interesting Americans who lived in the 19th century was a man by the name of Russell Herman Conwell. He was born in 1843 and lived until 1925. He was a lawyer for about fifteen years until he became a clergyman.

One day, a young man went to him and told him he wanted a college education but couldn't swing it financially. Dr. Conwell decided, at that moment, what his aim in life was, besides being a man of cloth – that is. He decided to build a university for unfortunate, but deserving, students. He did have a challenge, however. He would need a few million dollars to build the university. For Dr. Conwell, and anyone with real purpose in life, nothing could stand in the way of his goal.

Several years before this incident, Dr. Conwell was tremendously intrigued by a true story - with its ageless moral. The story was about a farmer who lived in Africa and through a visitor became tremendously excited about looking for diamonds. Diamonds were already discovered in abundance on the African continent and this farmer got so excited about the idea of millions of dollars worth of diamonds that he sold his farm to head out to the diamond line. He wandered all over the continent, as the years slipped by, constantly searching for diamonds; wealth, which he never found. Eventually he went completely broke and threw himself into a river and drowned.

Meanwhile, the new owner of his farm picked up an unusual looking rock about the size of a country egg and put it on his mantle as a sort of curiosity. A visitor stopped by and in viewing the rock practically went into terminal convulsions. He told the new owner of the farm that the funny looking rock on his mantle was about the biggest diamond that had ever been found. The new owner of the farm said, "Heck, the whole farm is covered with them" - and sure enough it was.

The farm turned out to be the Kimberly Diamond Mine...the richest the world has ever known. The original farmer was literally standing on "Acres of Diamonds" until he sold his farm.

Dr. Conwell learned from the story of the farmer and continued to teach it's moral. Each of us is right in the middle of our own "Acre of Diamonds", if only we would realize it and develop the ground we are standing on before charging off in search of greener pastures. Dr. Conwell told this story many times and attracted enormous audiences. He told the story long enough to have raised the money to start the college for underprivileged deserving students. In fact, he raised nearly six million dollars and the university he founded, Temple University in Philadelphia, has at least ten degree-granting colleges and six other schools.

winners know opportunitiy is always there, hidden, buried, disguised. It’s there all the time…we just have to see it.

Winners Give Up (Smooching)! or Winners Give Up Kissing A$$

I used to watch Looney Toones when I was a kid ( maverick, I know!) This one I remember, where there was a big alpha bulldog, with the spiked collar. I even think his name was Spike. Spike was always followed around by a little yapping dog. He was constantly yapping, sticking his nose in here and there, leaping up and down, running circles around Spike as he was trying to make his way down the road.
It was amazingly annoying to me, even at a tender young age. People who have ambitions or are trying to make their way up the ladder, sooner or later need to decide which type of dog they’re going to be.
You know the guy (or gal) who everyone is secretly (or not so secretly) annoyed by? You shake your heads at them behind their back. They could be your neighbor, or sit in the cubicle next to you. Regardless, the one who is CONSTANTLY kissing the bosses A**. Yap, yap, yapping. They draw so much time and attention to themselves its exhausting just to watch. Put yourself in the shoes of the boss, the big dog, do you think they really enjoy that, constantly being followed around by that yapping little dog? They may send it on errands, tasks etc. But at the end of the day, who are they going to want to promote or give the real meaty assignments to? The one who yaps all the time in search of attention? Or the one who gets attention for the work that speaks for itself?
Winners have learned to let their actions and works speak for themselves. They quietly organize the PTA meetings, they drive the projects and spread the credit around. They focus their energies on the end results. They draw attention to others and shine in the process. There is no need to kiss the bosses (Okole), no need to chase after the boss all day long, running back and forth across their path to constantly be seen, sooner or later the boss will come looking for you.

Give up short term gratification!

Take a look at the successful people you know or admire. How much time have you spent wondering what they did or what they have that you don’t? Successful people in business, in life and in relationships have learned that you sometimes have to give up your immediate wants and often have to forgo the easy, safe, decision to achieve a loftier goal. This takes patience, sacrifice and most importantly, an unfailing belief in what you are trying to accomplish. Don’t sell your true dreams short by settling for instant, and often mediocre results.

Winners give up Easy!

Don’t they? Have you ever looked at the income percentages of the U.S. population? If you make $100,000.00, you’re in the upper 4% of the population. Do 96% of us not aspire to, or dream about making good money? What If I told you about the upper 1%...Wow! What are these people doing that you’re NOT doing?

I ask myself, “How can these statistics possibly be true, when every day I have the opportunity to make millions online if I just pay $39.99?” I can turn $20,000.00 a month if I just subscribe to this “Marketing Expert’s” proven strategy and follow his simple system. This is perfect, I can sit at my computer and reshuffle Craigslist ads and make $1750.00 a day!! It’s easy….it’s soooo easy!!

Easy doesn’t work. The upper 4% gave up on easy a long time ago. Today, the divorce rate is securely over 50% for first marriages. It’s well above that for serial practitioners. Marriage isn’t easy. Divorce, that’s easy.

Successful people in life and in business continuously decide to take on things that are not easy. Want to stand out? Look around you and find the hard things that people are unwilling to do; things that people are complaining about doing, and decide to take those things on. It will take determination, and it will cause frustration. But once you choose to seek, and relish, the challenging opportunities, you’ll not only stand tall, but be rewarded in ways you can’t even imagine.

Winners Give Up Control!

…Or at least they give up worrying about the things they can’t control. As the economic climate has worsened, I’ve noticed more and more people acting like an animal backed up into a corner. They are vociferous in their anger, lashing out at the closest living thing. The economy of 2009 has changed people’s lifestyle. It’s changed mine for sure. I call it the O-pression (Obabma’s Depression).

For sure, the economy is the worst I’ve seen in my lifetime. Many people have never experienced a downturn and are ill prepared to handle financial frustrations. Of course we are confused by the bombardment of media mixed messaging. I digress.

This is my question to you: If you are unemployed, underemployed and financially struggling, why did you let it happen? Why did you force your company to lay you off? Why did you suggest ill timed constrictions on interest rates to the Fed Chair. way back when, why did you allow lending institutions to over extend, bundle and sell the unjustifiable mortgages that led to the bursting of the real estate bubble? Why, Why, Why?

Ridiculous right? You had no control over these events. You can’t single handedly control the course of the economy. So why worry about things BEYOND YOUR CONTROL? Worrying is like a rocking chair (or so I’ve heard). It takes a lot of energy, but goes nowhere.

What CAN you control? Winners have learned how to control their reactions, and focus their energy on the things they can change. Give up worry. Give up control and except that the only control you have, or NEED, is the control over how you react to adversity. So go ahead, come out of the corner swinging…just swing at something that counts.

Winners give up working!

What? Don’t winners work 24/7? Don’t they expend every last joule of energy on their current project with laser-like focus?

Winners should not be confused with those who work 24/7 like, for example, workaholics, or people with a lack of confidence in their own abilities, or those with a case of occupational OCD. “Avoiders” work constantly. They do so to escape personal and social connections, and responsibilities outside of “work”. These people avoid happiness and a full and balanced experience of life.

Successful people do work harder, and with more focus than most. They do the things others are unwilling to do. But they also have an off switch. Winners know how and when to shut it down. They have learned that it’s OK to relax and enjoy the fruits of their hard work, the people around them, and the solitude of their own company while dwelling in gratitude for their progress.

Take off for an hour perhaps two. Sit in the park, lounge in a bookstore, pick up your kid from school, bring takeout to your spouse…take a breath and reflect. If you can do this from time to time you’ll make exponential progress in your endeavors…I promise. If the thought of playing hooky for a couple of hours racks you with anxiety and feelings of guilt, then you should take the WHOLE day.

Winners Give up “Giving up”

The new year has crested over the dyke and we are awash with new possibilities. The truth is, we are awash with the possibility of change in our lives every moment of every day. The new year is a marker, acting as a catalyst for change. This is when we find ourselves mentally prepared to accept something better into our lives. We give ourselves permission to dream of alternatives; new goals, new skills, more income, more education, less of ourselves…smaller pant and dress sizes, etc!
I invite you, on this day of new beginnings, to focus on the one thing which has eluded, evaded or failed you. With laser-like intensity, use this opportunity to cause one massive change…to accomplish something which you had previously given up on. Take action, even if it seems insignificant. Winners know perseverance, they allow themselves to feel a burning, consuming desire for their goals and they don’t give up on them. It doesn’t matter what other people think of your goals. What matters is that you condition your mind to believe and achieve.
By sticking to one, meaningful, burning goal and crawling, clawing towards it, sometimes inch by inch…you WILL teach yourself to persevere. Soon you will be walking toward your goals, then jogging, and then running! Sooner than you can imagine, if you stay focused and don’t give up, you’ll stop running toward your goals…your goals will start running toward you.