Saturday, February 5, 2011
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Winners Give Up Going It Alone!
When I was a senior in High School, I had this psychology teacher, Vic Yurick, who made us do all kinds of crazy things. We carried around a raw egg for a week to learn responsibility. He made all the males embrace, much as they do in other cultures, which made our small farm town student body VERY uncomfortable. He made us sit in a circle and intimate our deepest fears to each other and give up what we thought our projected image was, only to have our self illusions shattered by a collision with the perceptions of our peers. Some of those things seemed really on the fringe, especially to the males in the class. The self-identified loners cringed at the thought of sharing, being made examples of, and letting people know what they thought. But through this process, connections were formed; some as thick as bridge cables, some barely visible like a spider’s silk.
We once broke down the Simon and Garfunkel song, the main theme being, “I am a rock, I am an island.” We likened it with the lone wolf…living in a self-imposed solitude, rather than living with the pact.
Unlike wolves, NO man is truly an island. Humans are a social creature, genetically designed to mate and cohabitate for a period of time. We were designed to function at our finest in groups, interacting with others. Historically, members of a group or tribe acquired skills that the tribe needed…hunters, cooks, weavers, blacksmiths, cobblers, thatchers and the like. This was how man survived.
Even in today’s highly complicated, electrified, grid laden world it is nearly impossible to single-handedly create and supply everything one needs. Yet, I watch countless people trying to “go it alone”…especially business owners. Have you ever worked for someone who just has to wear all of the hats? This guy has to be in charge of cash flow, do all the selling, manage the inventory, and make the coffee. This guy tries to do SOOO many things, that he can’t really do any of them well.
The same thing is true in our personal lives. I can’t tell you how many projects I have taken on that would have been done at half the cost, in two thirds the time if I didn’t just HAVE to conquer it myself.
Great leaders, efficient businessmen and happy people have learned to use the strengths and talents of those around, next to and underneath them. They let those assets work for them…THEN they spread the credit around. When we learn how to do this our aspirations race towards us, our mutual needs are met and our projects excel. Winners have learned to stop going it alone. Rocks never move, and islands slowly, eventually, and ultimately sink beneath the sea.
We once broke down the Simon and Garfunkel song, the main theme being, “I am a rock, I am an island.” We likened it with the lone wolf…living in a self-imposed solitude, rather than living with the pact.
Unlike wolves, NO man is truly an island. Humans are a social creature, genetically designed to mate and cohabitate for a period of time. We were designed to function at our finest in groups, interacting with others. Historically, members of a group or tribe acquired skills that the tribe needed…hunters, cooks, weavers, blacksmiths, cobblers, thatchers and the like. This was how man survived.
Even in today’s highly complicated, electrified, grid laden world it is nearly impossible to single-handedly create and supply everything one needs. Yet, I watch countless people trying to “go it alone”…especially business owners. Have you ever worked for someone who just has to wear all of the hats? This guy has to be in charge of cash flow, do all the selling, manage the inventory, and make the coffee. This guy tries to do SOOO many things, that he can’t really do any of them well.
The same thing is true in our personal lives. I can’t tell you how many projects I have taken on that would have been done at half the cost, in two thirds the time if I didn’t just HAVE to conquer it myself.
Great leaders, efficient businessmen and happy people have learned to use the strengths and talents of those around, next to and underneath them. They let those assets work for them…THEN they spread the credit around. When we learn how to do this our aspirations race towards us, our mutual needs are met and our projects excel. Winners have learned to stop going it alone. Rocks never move, and islands slowly, eventually, and ultimately sink beneath the sea.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Winners Give Up Hiding Their Wekness(es)
Winners no longer fear, nor continue to hide, their weaknesses. They have accepted the imperfections in their own nature and, rather than carrying them around their neck like an anchor, they compensate with additional training, or by recruiting help.
Weakness comes in many forms. Abraham Lincoln was known in his early days as being very belligerent. In fact, one of his harsh criticisms led him into a "duel to the death" with the man he publicly criticized. Fortunately, the duel was stopped just in time. From that point on, Lincoln committed himself to overcoming his belligerent ways, eventually leading him to say, "Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker, the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.”
Act on your strengths. Don’t hide your weaknesses…overcome them.
Weakness comes in many forms. Abraham Lincoln was known in his early days as being very belligerent. In fact, one of his harsh criticisms led him into a "duel to the death" with the man he publicly criticized. Fortunately, the duel was stopped just in time. From that point on, Lincoln committed himself to overcoming his belligerent ways, eventually leading him to say, "Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker, the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.”
Act on your strengths. Don’t hide your weaknesses…overcome them.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Winners Give Up Worrying About Health Care Reform (And Other Things They Can’t Control, Like Their Brackets!)
I’ve been listening to the news on the radio a lot more the past few weeks. I, like many of you, have been following the debate over this "Health Care Reform Bill". I’ve listened to both “conservative” radio and NPR. I find the disparity between the interpretations of “facts” fascinating.
I have also listened to numerous people passionately, vociferously, registering their opinions. One such lady had worked herself into such fervor that she admitted she hadn’t slept in three days!
Why? Has she in any way, created anything productive from this emotional episode?
What I have re-affirmed, is that even though we are a republic, we have very little control, save one action, over what our representatives do.
We must resign ourselves that as average citizens the only power we really yield…(or need to) is our sacred right and obligation to vote. We also need to realize the only power we have or need in our experience of our life, is the power to control our emotions and perceptions of the circumstances we are presented with from day to day.
In politics, in business and in life there are things we cannot control, influence, manipulate or coerce.
Winners have realized that to spend time losing sleep over these things is destructive and at best, simply self –indulgent.
Tying our emotions so closely to the actions of others is a dangerous and sad state of being.
The most peaceful (and successful) people I know asses each set of circumstances, by first accepting what IS. They tailor their actions/reactions as individuals to best deal with the obstacles,hindrances or opportunities before them.
They preserve their positive energy and well being, by ACCEPTING the things they cannot change. Then channel that energy into the things they CAN change.
To whine, cry and lose three nights of sleep over legislation, a natural disaster, a layoff or loss of work due to the depression, or worse the Kansas and Georgetown losses (that messed up your men’s NCAA tournament bracket)…well, that’s just like taking yourself out of the tournament in the first round.
I have also listened to numerous people passionately, vociferously, registering their opinions. One such lady had worked herself into such fervor that she admitted she hadn’t slept in three days!
Why? Has she in any way, created anything productive from this emotional episode?
What I have re-affirmed, is that even though we are a republic, we have very little control, save one action, over what our representatives do.
We must resign ourselves that as average citizens the only power we really yield…(or need to) is our sacred right and obligation to vote. We also need to realize the only power we have or need in our experience of our life, is the power to control our emotions and perceptions of the circumstances we are presented with from day to day.
In politics, in business and in life there are things we cannot control, influence, manipulate or coerce.
Winners have realized that to spend time losing sleep over these things is destructive and at best, simply self –indulgent.
Tying our emotions so closely to the actions of others is a dangerous and sad state of being.
The most peaceful (and successful) people I know asses each set of circumstances, by first accepting what IS. They tailor their actions/reactions as individuals to best deal with the obstacles,hindrances or opportunities before them.
They preserve their positive energy and well being, by ACCEPTING the things they cannot change. Then channel that energy into the things they CAN change.
To whine, cry and lose three nights of sleep over legislation, a natural disaster, a layoff or loss of work due to the depression, or worse the Kansas and Georgetown losses (that messed up your men’s NCAA tournament bracket)…well, that’s just like taking yourself out of the tournament in the first round.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Winners Give Up Cleaning Their Glass Ceiling.
The sky’s the limit…right? Not for most. Many dream of what lies beyond their current situation…fleeting fantasy’s of “what if”. Others dwell, frozen in their feelings of lack. They say, “if only”. If only this person wasn’t keeping me from doing this…the bank, my boss.
The truth is, we are conditioned to be self limiting from our youngest ages. Do you remember what happened to the kid who raised her hand too often in class? Sooner or later she got tired of the stares, the whispers and the ridicule, so she stopped raising her hand and getting excited about contributing to the classroom. She imposed self limitations, tucking away her abilities. Some learn to overcome this, many don’t. Most people, in some respect, impose life-long limitations on their ability.
Winners break through their self imposed “glass ceiling”, while the rest of us just polish it for a better view of “what if”.
The truth is, we are conditioned to be self limiting from our youngest ages. Do you remember what happened to the kid who raised her hand too often in class? Sooner or later she got tired of the stares, the whispers and the ridicule, so she stopped raising her hand and getting excited about contributing to the classroom. She imposed self limitations, tucking away her abilities. Some learn to overcome this, many don’t. Most people, in some respect, impose life-long limitations on their ability.
Winners break through their self imposed “glass ceiling”, while the rest of us just polish it for a better view of “what if”.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Winners Give Up Trying To Get Everybody To Like Them.
Are you the type of person that everybody likes? Are you the one that always looks for ways to please your co-workers, friends, bosses or mates? But secretly complains and laments the “concessions” you have made when you get just out of earshot?
Are you the manager, the parent, the friend that everybody loves but don’t challenge your people to be the best they can be?
The one who doesn’t rock the boat too much? Maybe doesn’t speak up for themselves?
Do you make the mistake of thinking you are responsible for other people’s actions? Or worse feelings? (Including their feeling about you?)
Many of us try hard to be liked, maybe too hard.
If you need to be liked by everybody, perhaps that’s what’s keeping you from being the best possible version of yourself?
I had this college professor, Norm Tychsen, from my undergrad he was a p#*ck!! He rubbed people the wrong way. He made people feel “belittled” and “demeaned”. He didn’t cut you much slack. He busted my chops in front of a 400 level class on consumer behavior because I skipped a lecture to be in Key West for Spring Break…what an “A$$hole”!!
He also turned out to be my favorite professor/teacher/mentor to date. This sometimes hard to like old man was not mean, nor unlikeable, nor an a$$hole. In the final analysis he was a man deeply convicted and dedicated to getting the absolute best out of each face in front of him.
He took the time to cut through everybody’s initial layer, their façade, the usually accepted layer of social faux-ness and unchallenged persona’s that we parade around in. He also took the heat for doing so. Sometimes laying bare the truth of what you see in a way that can be cathartic is VERY unpopular.
It makes people uncomfortable, irritated, naked. They don’t like it and didn’t like him for it.
Good leaders, teachers, managers…parents (by good I mean effective) are not always the most popular with the troops, their peers, their spouses or kids for that matter.
Guess what?
Being disliked is OK! There, I said it and now you can relax and take a load off.
It’s perfectly fine if some people don’t like you. Not everybody needs to like you and you should stop trying to make it so, and worrying about it if they don’t.
If and only if, they don’t like you for the “right” reasons.
If a business partner doesn’t like you anymore because you hold them accountable to shortcomings, to plans, to promises…in other words actions…that’s ok.
If a spouse or mate doesn’t like you because you stand up for yourself and they don’t get their way? That’s ok!
If, through your actions you expose the weakness of others and they don’t like you that’s ok.
If you set high expectations for others and yourself, and that makes you unpopular, that’s ok.
If you style your hair different and that makes people edgy, uncomfortable and dislike you…..that’s ok too.
Do not be unkind, do not be underhanded, do not demand things of others that you don’t demand of yourself, don’t ask other do something you are unwilling to do. Act in the best interest of others, even if people don’t immediately accept or realize it. Hold people accountable fairly yet firmly. Hold yourself accountable.
Be happy with yourself, believe in yourself.
Remain steady in your convictions, even if that bothers others.
If you act fairly, with purpose and dignity and some people don’t like you? It has more to do with them NOT liking themselves than not liking you.
Winners only really need 1 (one) person to like them…and that’s themselves.
If you like yourself, the right people will like you too and everybody else will just have to settle for respecting you.
Are you the manager, the parent, the friend that everybody loves but don’t challenge your people to be the best they can be?
The one who doesn’t rock the boat too much? Maybe doesn’t speak up for themselves?
Do you make the mistake of thinking you are responsible for other people’s actions? Or worse feelings? (Including their feeling about you?)
Many of us try hard to be liked, maybe too hard.
If you need to be liked by everybody, perhaps that’s what’s keeping you from being the best possible version of yourself?
I had this college professor, Norm Tychsen, from my undergrad he was a p#*ck!! He rubbed people the wrong way. He made people feel “belittled” and “demeaned”. He didn’t cut you much slack. He busted my chops in front of a 400 level class on consumer behavior because I skipped a lecture to be in Key West for Spring Break…what an “A$$hole”!!
He also turned out to be my favorite professor/teacher/mentor to date. This sometimes hard to like old man was not mean, nor unlikeable, nor an a$$hole. In the final analysis he was a man deeply convicted and dedicated to getting the absolute best out of each face in front of him.
He took the time to cut through everybody’s initial layer, their façade, the usually accepted layer of social faux-ness and unchallenged persona’s that we parade around in. He also took the heat for doing so. Sometimes laying bare the truth of what you see in a way that can be cathartic is VERY unpopular.
It makes people uncomfortable, irritated, naked. They don’t like it and didn’t like him for it.
Good leaders, teachers, managers…parents (by good I mean effective) are not always the most popular with the troops, their peers, their spouses or kids for that matter.
Guess what?
Being disliked is OK! There, I said it and now you can relax and take a load off.
It’s perfectly fine if some people don’t like you. Not everybody needs to like you and you should stop trying to make it so, and worrying about it if they don’t.
If and only if, they don’t like you for the “right” reasons.
If a business partner doesn’t like you anymore because you hold them accountable to shortcomings, to plans, to promises…in other words actions…that’s ok.
If a spouse or mate doesn’t like you because you stand up for yourself and they don’t get their way? That’s ok!
If, through your actions you expose the weakness of others and they don’t like you that’s ok.
If you set high expectations for others and yourself, and that makes you unpopular, that’s ok.
If you style your hair different and that makes people edgy, uncomfortable and dislike you…..that’s ok too.
Do not be unkind, do not be underhanded, do not demand things of others that you don’t demand of yourself, don’t ask other do something you are unwilling to do. Act in the best interest of others, even if people don’t immediately accept or realize it. Hold people accountable fairly yet firmly. Hold yourself accountable.
Be happy with yourself, believe in yourself.
Remain steady in your convictions, even if that bothers others.
If you act fairly, with purpose and dignity and some people don’t like you? It has more to do with them NOT liking themselves than not liking you.
Winners only really need 1 (one) person to like them…and that’s themselves.
If you like yourself, the right people will like you too and everybody else will just have to settle for respecting you.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Winners Give Up Closing Shop Before The Day Is Done.
What’s the difference between a dreamer and a doer? Between a rock star and the “wanna be” who remains undiscovered? What’s the difference between the most brilliant of thinkers, with the best ideas, plans and designs and the wealthiest of business people? between a “used car” sales man and a great sales professional?
Just one more call….An old school sales manger named Bob White said this to me at very young age….just ONE more call a day that makes all the difference.
Dial the phone ONE more time. Send out ONE more resume. Answer one more complaint. Practice one more chord. Help one more customer after closing time.
Crunch it out one more time. One more pass, one more chapter.
Just one more.
Crash Davis said it best to Ebby Calvin Laloosh in Bull Durham.
You know what the difference is between hitting .250 and hitting .300? I got it figured out.
Twenty-five hits a year in 500 at bats is 50 points. Okay? There's 6 months in a season, that's about 25 weeks--you get one extra flare a week--just one--a gork, a ground ball with eyes, a dying quail--just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium!
Winners don’t close up shop for the day until they have done, one more…and then maybe “one more” again.
Just one more call….An old school sales manger named Bob White said this to me at very young age….just ONE more call a day that makes all the difference.
Dial the phone ONE more time. Send out ONE more resume. Answer one more complaint. Practice one more chord. Help one more customer after closing time.
Crunch it out one more time. One more pass, one more chapter.
Just one more.
Crash Davis said it best to Ebby Calvin Laloosh in Bull Durham.
You know what the difference is between hitting .250 and hitting .300? I got it figured out.
Twenty-five hits a year in 500 at bats is 50 points. Okay? There's 6 months in a season, that's about 25 weeks--you get one extra flare a week--just one--a gork, a ground ball with eyes, a dying quail--just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium!
Winners don’t close up shop for the day until they have done, one more…and then maybe “one more” again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
